My friend just got a puppy. EB thought it would be a good idea to visit and say hello. It didn’t take long for EB to want to go live with Gronk, That’s the puppy’s name. Now EB wants a Gronk of his own.
Me: EB, we can’t get a dog.
EB: Why not?
Me: Because, you’re too busy to take care of a dog, and so am I?
EB: What if we hired a dog sitter, full time?
Me: You’re crazy, we can’t afford to hire a full-time dog sitter.
EB: What if you sold more of your dumb books?
Me: I’d like to sell more books, EB, but nobody knows who the heck I am. It’s hard enough getting people to read it, even after the book won two awards.
EB: So the book doesn’t suck?
Me: No! The book doesn’t suck! A Rabbit’s Tale An Easter Story is a really good read.
EB: If we got a puppy, you could sell more books.
Me: And, how would that work? I don’t see how getting a dog will help me sell more books.
EB: More people would like you if you had a cute puppy. It would definitely make you more likable.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
EB: If more people liked you, more people would buy your book.
Me: One has nothing to do with the other.
EB: It would make you more likable AND smarter.
Me: I don’t get it, EB. That makes no sense.
EB: See, we really need a puppy. Then you could understand what I’m saying.
Me: Is that rabbit logic?
EB: For sure. And don’t forget a dog could be trained to do all kinds of important tasks, such as a seeing eye dog, or a carrot fetching dog.
Me: Oh, I get it. That’s why you want a puppy so badly, so you can train it to fetch carrots for you.
EB: That’s ridiculous
Me: No, it’s not. I’ve known you long enough to know when you have an ulterior motive. That’s why you want your very own Gronk.
EB: Now that you mention it, that would be a great service for a dog to provide. A carrot fetching dog! That’s a brilliant idea.
Me: Oh, so now I’m brilliant?
EB: No, but you could be?
Me: What do you mean, could be?
EB: You’d have to get a dog first.
EB and I visited McDonalds today while we waited for our truck to get an oil change.
EB: What’s with the sign?
Me: It’s there so folks know that they can only refill their drink on the same visit, exactly what it says.
EB: You mean people came back later after leaving to refill their drinks?
Me: I’m sure McDonald’s didn’t put up the sign without a real need for it.
EB: How can people think it’s OK to just keep coming back for more after they’ve left?
Me: I don’t know, EB. It’s probably a common thing in fast food places.
EB: It’s not enough that they give you nearly a gallon of tea for a buck?
Me: I guess not, EB. Don’t worry about it.
EB: That’s the kind of thing that really irritates me about you humans.
Me: I didn’t know illegal refills would get you so upset.
EB: Do you think people hang on to a cup for more than a day and come back for a refill the next day?
Me: I don’t know.
EB: Maybe a week, a month – you think even a year?
Me: Don’t know, EB. Forget about it.
EB: You think some rich old guy left his McDonalds cup in his will so his descendants could get free refills in perpetuity?
Me: I doubt it. Why are you obsessing about this?
EB: What happens to violators?
Me: I don’t know. I suppose they are asked not to do it.
EB: They should have Ronald McDonald take violators out back and give them a good kick in the…
Me: OK, that’s enough. Did you eat a spiked carrot or something?
EB: Those size 48’s would leave quiet an impression on a violator’s derrière. Don’t you think?
Me: OK, we gotta go. I just received a text. Our truck is ready.
We leave McDonalds and walk toward the inspection station.
EB: I have to go back.
EB: Need a refill before we go.
Me: But, we’ve already left.
EB: No we didn’t!
Me: Yes, we did.
EB: Not technically.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
EB: I still have my cup.
EB: So, I still have my cup. I haven’t thrown it away yet. I can still get a refill.
Me: No you can’t. Don’t you remember the sign?
EB: That’s only if you’ve been gone for a while.
Me: That’s nuts. How long is that supposed to be?
EB: As long as it takes for the staff to forget about you?
Me: We left more than five minutes ago. We are a half a block from McDonalds. Now you are making up the rules simply to suit you? What happened to Ronald McDonalds and his size 48’s upon a violator’s derrière?
EB: You obviously don’t understand the spirit of the sign.
Me: Spirit of the sign? You have got to be kidding.
EB: You’re right.
Me: I’m glad you agree.
EB: Yeah, I’ll just get my refill at the other McDonalds, near our house.
What an honor to receive the Reader’s Favorite Book Award! Even EB was proud of me. I met many wonderful fellow authors at the awards ceremony in Miami as did EB. He was all over the place. Thank you to everyone at Reader’s Favorite for doing such a fine job organizing the event. Authors traveled from as far as Spain to receive their award.
If you have not yet read A Rabbit’s Tale, An Easter Story, pick up a copy and check it out. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BEIQYPC.
EB: So, your dumb book got another award?
Me: Yeah, isn’t it great…and it’s not a dumb book.
EB: An Easter Story without the real Easter Bunny, that would be me, is dumb.
Me: Are you coming with me to Miami for the awards ceremony?
EB: If I’m in a coma, maybe I’ll join you.
Me: What’s that supposed to mean?
EB: Boring. That’s what I mean. It would be like watching bowling on TV. I think I would much rather spend my time engaged in nasty political banter with my fellow rabbits.
Me: I didn’t think rabbits were interested in politics.
EB: Usually we’re not.
Me: Why now?
EB: Are you kidding? It’s the best entertainment ever.
Me: It’s not supposed to be entertainment per se. This is serious stuff. People have to vote for the candidate they think is most suitable for the presidency… What are you laughing at?
EB: Your species is in big trouble.
Me: If humans are in trouble, so are rabbits.
EB: I don’t think so. When was the last time you went camping or had to go without running water or electricity? Rabbits can fend for themselves when everything shuts down.
Me: What does that have to do with any of this?
EB: Boy, your dumber than you look. You’ll have plenty of time to get used to roughing it after the elections.
EB: Because your candidates are special this election year. One of them is the anti-Christ, the other will cause Armageddon. I’ll let you figure out which is which. Anyway, the theme song for your species is “It’s the End of the World as You Know it.” Oh, and by the way, I feel fine.
Me: Wow, EB, I have never seen you this nasty and pessimistic.
EB: I’m usually a very upbeat rabbit. I love to hop for no reason and binge on carrots. But I have to say, humans tick me off.
EB: Don’t get me wrong, I love some of your kind and have seen some of the incredibly good things that humans can do. I’m not just talking about the invention of Silly Putty and the Clapper. But lately, I have never seen such a bunch of whining, hate-filled, self-destructive, greedy bastards as you humans. I can even overlook the fact that some of you actually enjoy rabbit’s stew. But, for the most part, you are all guilty of negligence.
Me: Negligence of what?
EB: …being human.
The beloved Easter Bunny, or EB as he is known to his friends and loyal fans, has given Eugene Taylor’s The Rhythm of Life CD five carrots! When asked why he gave Taylor’s music such a high rating, he said,
“Most of the stuff I’m hearing these days sounds the same. Taylor’s CD made me want to hop like I used to. It brought out the hopeful bunny in me. Yes, even the Easter Bunny gets in a rut sometimes, listening to all the awful news on TV and hearing the same old mind-numbing rump a thump thumping banter that gets the vast majority of airplay. I just can’t stop listening to Eugene Taylor’s music. The guy is brilliant! His musical partner, what’s his name, is OK too.”
When asked about a favorite track on The Rhythm of Life album, he said,
“I have two favorite tracks. The Rhythm of Life because of it’s great groove and Tears because I like bears. Although I like them better with eyes. You just have to listen to it if you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
We asked EB if he purchased the digital copy of the album or the actual CD.
“I downloaded the digital album off Amazon. Here’s the link. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EE9NJB4/ref=dm_ws_sp_ps_dp. People should get it and support Taylor. I think the music is outstanding. It’s fresh, good for hopping and good for hoping. Listen to it while munching on a good carrot.”
For more information about Eugene Taylor and his music visit http://www.drumprophet.com
We come to the end of another Easter Sunday. But Easter is really all year. It is an everyday, equal-opportunity miracle. There are still a few hours left. Download a copy of A Rabbit’s Tale and see what I mean. Suitable for readers age 13+.
Dear friends, I wish you all a very Happy Easter! May the light of Christ shine in each one of us through everything we do. God bless you.
Juan Arias is a gifted fifth grader with a passion for photography. His goal is to someday be a staff photographer for National Geographic magazine, but he has given up on his dream. Now an adult, he is an unfulfilled computer programmer.
When Juan dresses up as the Easter Bunny for his nephew’s party, he winds up having a life-altering accident and becomes a freak, a medical marvel. As he tries to pick up the pieces of his shattered life, Juan uncovers evidence that can help convict a suspected murderer hellbent on unleashing the most addictive drug known to man.
Still battling the side effects of his accident, how can Juan prevent a murder and help catch the lunatic. When everything is stacked against you, and life unravels, how can you hope to survive? How can the very worst day of your life be the best day for your eternal soul?
“This is not a fairy tale…as you’re reading along don’t be surprised if you smile often and even laugh out loud. Diogenes is a great story teller.” – Fr. David McBriar O.F.M.
Me: How do you like my new book cover, EB?
EB: Hmmm, well, it’s much better than that crappy cover you had before. I guess it doesn’t stink anymore.
Me: Wow, EB that means a lot to me, especially coming from you.
EB: Yeah well, it only took you two years to listen to my advice.
Me: Is there anything about this cover you don’t like?
EB: Actually, the guy’s nose looks like it was drawn by a four-year-old.
Me: It’s not supposed to be a realistic nose.
EB: Well, you got that right. Did a four-year-old do this new cover of yours?
Me: No. I thought you liked it.
EB: I’m liking it less and less now.
Me: I don’t understand. Why?
EB: It’s just…
Me: It’s just what?
EB: It’s just that it reminds me of a really bad nightmare I had.
Me: What happened in your nightmare?
EB: It was too horrible for words, I don’t think I can talk about it.
Me: Go ahead. Sometimes it helps to tell your nightmare to someone. Then it doesn’t seem so bad.
EB: I don’t know.
Me: Come on, buddy. We’ve been friends for a long time. Tell me about your dream.
EB: OK, but let me get a fresh carrot first. I think I’m going to need it.
Me: OK, so what happened in your nightmare?
EB: I was in this tiny booth. It had curtains on three sides and there was a piece of paper.
Me: What was on the paper?
EB: It had four words on it and I started to tremble. Then my trembling turned into uncontrollable shaking. I could not breathe. I woke up screaming, soaking wet from sweating.
Me: Wow, EB, that’s terrible. What were the four words on the piece of paper? What did it say to make you have such a horrible panic attack.
EB: There were four words and two little circles. There was one little circle in front of a pair of words.
Me: Sounds strange, EB. What did they say?
EB: The first little circle was followed by the words Hillary Clinton. The second little circle was followed by the words Donald Trump.
Me: If it’s of any consolation EB, I’ve had a similar nightmare.
EB: Does this mean it’s the end of the world?
Me: I’m afraid it’s worse than that, EB.
EB: What can be worse than the end of the world.
Me: Having to listen to political coverage on every channel of the questionably civilized world.
EB: Is “questionably” a real word.
Me: Who cares EB. It’s the end of the world.
EB: Here, have a carrot it will take the edge off the apocalypse.